Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Christmas time...

Its hard to believe its that time of year again. My favorite holiday is just around the corner. Christmas...celebrating the birth of our Savior. And this year, is more special than the last. Last year, I was 6-7 months pregnant. I was still in shock that we had made it that far. I remember thinking, "Next year we will have a little one to share in the joy of the season. And here we are. Dakota is almost 8.5 months old already! I truly am shocked at how fast time has gone. He is growing up way to fast! However, he is in such a fun age right now. Discovering everything! He is starting to army crawl, starting to pull himself up on things, has started to walk around things. We are trying to introduce different textures in his meals. We have discovered he is pretty picky...which he got from me!

I can't imagine life with out Dakota. I do remember it however. The pain is still there. I'll never forget the babies that we lost. They are in our hearts forever. Dakota is such a happy baby. He smiles all the time! He is such a joy! I knew life would change, but nothing can prepare you for the love you feel for your child. I am so overwhelmed with emotion many times. I look at him and think..."I never thought I would see the day when I could call someone my son!". Well, we are here! I have a son and he will call me mommy some day. I'm pretty sure that will bring tears to my eyes the first time he calls me that!

I pray that if you are going through infertility and feel that there is no hope, please don't give up. I  know that's a lot easier said than done. I also know that the holiday season is often the 2nd hardest time of the year to deal with empty hands (Mother's day being the hardest). I'm praying that you find peace this season in ways that you never expected. God is with you! I promise! Even when he seems far away, He is still there. He always will be!

Have a very Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!
Love, Scott, Jamie and Dakota!

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Ok...so if you are a parent, you know why it is has been so long since I have written. Life is so crazy busy!! However...I wouldn't trade it for the world! Dakota is beyond a blessing. He is 5 months old now! I can't believe how fast time goes. He is eating baby food now, just started rolling over and is almost always smiling. I still can't believe I have a son. They said that life would never be the same, they were not kidding! I absolutely can't imagine life with out him.

When we were in the midst of our infertility journey, I had always thought that if we were ever blessed with a child, I would be much happier. That the pain of infertility would just go away and life would be grand. That is not the case at all. In fact, it's almost harder being on this side of infertility than I ever had dreamed. It's hard knowing some of my friends are still dreaming of having a child. Now that Dakota is here, the pain that aches for these friends is so much greater. It hurts because he brings us so much joy that I want my friends to enjoy it too.

Now...I must add that as much of a joy that Dakota is...it's not all easy. His nighttime routine has been less than desirable. I know that this is normal as a baby...but I was not prepared for getting up 5-6 times a night for a few months straight! This is currently our evening ritual. Then he smiles at me, and melts my heart. He knows how to get me already! :)

Well, I guess that's it for now. Hopefully it won't be as long before I can get back on here. However...we all know that works!


Saturday, May 10, 2014

Mother's Day...

Well...I never thought I would be able to celebrate Mother's Day with my own child...but this year I do!! Dakota Richard was born on March 28, 2014 at 1:50 in the afternoon. We had to have a c-section due to the fact he was breech. His head was up...it's supposed to be down! So, the only option was a c-section. I didn't care how he was getting out...as long as he was healthy. Which ever was the safest for him.

I will start with the night before he was born. Scott and I were able to enjoy a nice date night out to dinner with just the two of us. It was very surreal knowing that it was our last night as a family of two. The next day our lives would change forever. I actually did get some sleep Thursday night. I didn't think I would...but God knew that i needed it!

Friday morning I woke up before Scott and had a chance to sit and reflect on the past 5 years and where we have come from. I really couldn't believe that we were at delivery day! There were a lot of fears that surrounded me that morning. But I knew that God had the whole day in His hands just like He had the past 5 years in His hands. Why doubt Him now? Because I am human...and the enemy knew what to put into my head to make me anxious and fearful about the upcoming day.

We had to be at the hospital by 11:30 and my surgery was scheduled for 1:30. Laying in triage, I was doing pretty well. Baby was moving great still. I was ok until the doctor came in at about 1:15 and said, ok...we are ready to go! That's when it really hit me. This is it...this is the moment we have waited a long time for. We were finally going to meet our miracle!

I get into the OR, they get me drugged up, hooked up, and laid on the table and then I wait. Scott came in to be by my side and we waited together. It didn't take long before I heard, 'Ok...here he is!" I waited for the cry...I heard a girggle. They put him on the warming table quickly because he wasn't crying. I looked over with tears flowing, and saw my son for the 1st time (and so begins the tears again...). He was a little blue, and not crying. But it didn't take much time for that first cry to be heard. And then he didn't stop! It was the best thing that I had ever heard!! I kept looking at him thinking..."that just came out of me! That's our son!! That's our miracle!" Truly an out of body experience!

The next few hours were a blur. I was able to kiss Dakota for the first time before they finished sowing me up. Before I knew it, they were finished, Dakota was laying on my chest, and we were being wheeled away to recovery. We were in recovery for a few hours. My parents were able to come in and meet their newest grandson for the first time. Priceless moments!! I would do it all over again in a heartbeat!

We were moved to our postpartam room after a few hours in recovery. That is where many family and friends came to meet out rainbow! (A rainbow baby is a baby born after miscarriage/infant loss). Many tears flowed and the people that had been praying for us and with us.

It's hard to believe that it's been 6 weeks since he was born. It has been a whirlwind! I am amazed at how much I could love someone like I love him! God truly has been so good to us. There are no words to thank Him for what He has given us. Thank you to all that have been praying for us over in our journey. We are ever so grateful!

That's all for now...Dakota is calling me...;) Happy Mother's day to those who are mothers and those who long to be mothers. My heart is with you ladies this weekend! Love you lots!!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Home stretch

Well...today marks 34 blessed weeks of being pregnant! Words cannot express how crazy that sounds to say that! We only have 6ish weeks left! (give or take! :) )What?!? How did that go by so fast??  When we started this trying to conceive (TTC) journey, we had no idea how long it would be. However...looking back over the past 5+ years, I would not trade it for the world. Were the miscarriages painful? Of course...very much so! Still are! Those are our babies! What about each month that passed with that negative pregnancy test? So painful!! Who knew that one pink line could do so much damage to your heart! However...now that I am pregnant with our miracle...and we are this far, I can appreciate the miracle of life so much more. So many women take for granted getting pregnant, getting sick, having a growing belly that is moving uncontrollably because of a tiny life that is inside of them. They complain about the stretch marks that many women would do anything to have! Are they pretty? No...not really. But I LOVE them!! It means that my body is doing what is was created to do! Finally! Stretching and making room for a new life.

I can't begin to imagine what God has in store for our lives with this little man when he arrives. He has been so incredibly faithful to us that I want to make sure to give Him ALL the glory for this miracle. Our miracle rainbow baby. (A rainbow baby is a baby born after miscarriage/infant loss). Even though this child doesn't have a name yet (he really doesn't...we haven't agreed on one yet!), he is loved more than he will ever know!

One of the biggest things that I have gotten out of this journey so far, is the ability to use what God has taught me and help others that are currently struggling. I hate that we have been through it, but I love that I can honestly say to someone," I know what you are going through"! I know that there are no words that I can say to them that will make it easier or take the pain away. But sometimes just being that one person that has experienced it and says nothing...is all you need!  It is hard sometimes to be on this end of it...even though it is the whole point of the journey. It's hard to talk to some ladies that are still childless. I know how much it hurts to want something so bad...and it just isn't happening. I truly dislike the words "It will happen in God's time". Yes...I know that...but it doesn't take the pain away! I have had MANY words with Him over the years. And you know what? He wants to hear them! He wants to hear the pain and the frustration that I have. That's what He is there for!! Believe you me...he knew how frustrated I was! I still am...for many of my friends that are going through the pain and struggle of TTC. It sometimes hurts worse seeing the ones I love feeling the pain that I did. I hope they know this! I also hope they know that I am here!! Anytime!!

As I come to a close...and I feel this little man stretching on the inside...a lot...it occurs to me that this is probably the last time I will write before he makes his appearance! That is so crazy to say!! I will be honest...it is so scary to think of how our lives are about to change. But at the same time...I can't wait to hold this miracle in my arms. I know there will be no words...and I am beyond ecstatic for that! Please continue to pray for us as the birth of our miracle child is coming soon. Pray for a healthy (and easy ;)  ) delivery and baby. I look forward to updating with our newest addition!! Thank you all for the prayers already...they can be felt daily!!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The miracle of Christmas!

Well, its been a long time since I wrote last...again. Time gets away from me when I am so tired at the end of the day! I am beyond blessed to say that I am 26weeks pregnant today! Almost to the third trimester!! For those of us who never made it past 7 weeks...this is beyond huge!

Since the last time I wrote, a lot has happened. All good! I felt the first flutters around 18/19 weeks! It was nothing like I had expected...but everything I had dreamed about!! We found out at our 20 week ultrasound that we are being blessed with a bouncing baby BOY!! We were shocked to say the least. All of the old wives tales, and calendars, all pointed girl. Well...he is definitely a boy! He made that clear! :) The ultrasound showed that everything is progressing as it should. The heart looked great, the cord looked great, all of his organs looked great as well. He was being quite stubborn and wouldn't let us get a good profile picture or a good picture of his hands. So we had to schedule another ultrasound 5-6 weeks from then. (I was not to upset that we had to see our little man again!)

So, this past Friday (Dec 13) we got to see him again! He still wasn't cooperating the greatest. He was looking at us the whole time! So we still got to see his face...but not the profile. Everything still looked good. He was actually folded in half...his feet were up by his face! Crazy the positions he can put himself in! Watching him during the ultrasound made me fall even deeper in love with him. I can't wait to see that face and kiss those cheeks. God has truly blessed us! Beyond anything I could have imagined.

With the Christmas season in full swing (how can we be 1 week away from Christmas already?!?) and being with child...a boy at that! I have a whole new respect for what Mary went through when she was carrying our Saviour! I can't imagine being so young, knowing who was wiggling around inside of you! The feelings that I have towards our little man can't compare to what Mary must have felt! Knowing that the child she was carrying, would one day save her!! Wow!! Can you imagine?!? Please be sure to take time this season and truly reflect on what Christmas really means. We hope you and your family have a wonderfully blessed Christmas and a Happy New year!! Thank you all for praying us through this journey! We ask that you continue to do so as our due date quickly approaches. :) To God be the GLORY!!


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

To God be the glory!!

Well, tomorrow we will hit the 15 week mark!! I , honestly can't believe we have gotten this far already! I feel like the past few months have flown by! There has been so much going on that has kept us busy that I haven't had much time to think about it much I guess!! We are only 5 weeks away from the halfway point! 5 weeks away from the big ultrasound, where hopefully (providig baby cooperates) that we will find out if it's a mini me or a mini Scott! :)

I have had a doctor's appointment every other week since 6 weeks.We saw the baby at 6 and 8 weeks. Then at 10, 12, and 14 weeks I heard the heartbeat. The heartbeat has been over 160 everytime. We are very thankful for a good, strong heartbeat. My doctor is very pleased with how things are going. The baby bump that has showed up, is reassurance that, yes, there is a baby in there! Things are going like they should! Praise the Lord!

Now that we are at 15 weeks, it has really hit us that we have a TON of things to do to get ready for this baby. With the holidays approaching, our time is limited! So, over the next few months, we will be doing some room re arranging. I am really looking forward to this part. It's needed to happen for a while, and now it has to be done!

Please continue to pray for us as we approach the big ultrasound on Nov 6. I know statistically we are pretty safe, but I also know that I won't be 100% "fear free" until this baby is in my arms! I look forward to updating after the ultrasound. Thank you to all that has been praying for us up to this point. We can truly feel them!!

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

10 weeks and counting!

Well, it has been a LONG time since I last posted...and for that I am very sorry! So much has happened in the past few months that I will just begin where I left off!

The last time I wrote, was after the big appointment. The first appointment with the fertility specialist. We both left feeling very overwhelmed, but confident that this was the direction that God wanted us to take. The next step after the appointment, was to wait for my next cycle. And wait we did...but by now you would think that I was good at waiting! Um..not so much. We finally had a plan in place that we were confident in and we had to sit and wait...again! Well, finally in mid June it came. Which meant I could start the new drug. I had to take Femara on cycle days 3-7. So I did. Then we had to wait about a week and a half before I went in on CD14 (Cycle Day) for a Follicle scan (if you don't know what a follicle is...google it! :) )I went in for the ultrasound/scan where they found a good sized follie that was a size 24. They were looking for at least 18...so we were good! The nurse then gave me a shot of Ovidrel, which is actually HCG (the pregnancy hormone). The Ovidrel guarantee's ovulation in the next 24-48 hours. (I started progesterone 3 days after the shot.) We then had to do our part the next two days and wait some more! The dr told me not to take a pregnancy test until July 15. BEcause the shot was HCG, if I went home and tested...it would be positive. So...the rebel that I am, went home and tested! Sure enough, it was positive! I did decide to test everyday so I knew when the drug was out of my system. That way, if I did get a positive at the end of the 2 weeks, I knew it was a true positive. So we wait...and wait...for what seems like forever! I actually tested on July 14, and it was VERY positive. It had worked! We were pregnant again!! This time was very different. I was so at peace about this one. I truly felt like this was it!

Well, I called the doctor on Monday and they had me do a blood test. So, Tuesday my numbers were 74. Which is a good number. I had to have it drawn again 2 days later. They are looking for the number to at least double every 48 hours. My 2nd number was 164!! Very good! I was thrilled!

Fast forward a few weeks, I have a 6 week ultrasound scheduled. We have been here before...we have seen the baby and the heartbeat before. We went in, and saw our little peanut!! Heartbeat was 117 at 6 weeks. Also very good. Calling it a miracle doesn't seem to fit. There doesn't seem to be a word that describes that sight and sound good enough. The dr was pleased with how things were so far.

The day after we saw and heard the heartbeat, my aunt's heart stopped beating. She had fought and incredible battle with breast cancer, and now she is pain free. We were blessed to be able to tell her we were pregnant shortly after we found out. She was thrilled! I know she is up there holding and loving on my 5 angels that are in heaven.  It was hard keeping it together and not getting to down about the loss of such an incredible person. She would not have wanted me to do anything that would harm the baby. So, I did my best to keep calm! Which was not an easy task for someone whom you loved so much!!

We went in 2 weeks later for an 8 week ultrasound, and were very blessed to see our peanut again! The heartbeat was a strong 173!! We saw the arms and legs forming as well. Incredible!! God had this child picked out for us way before we even thought about beginning a family.

Fast forward a couple more weeks to today. I am currently 10 weeks pregnant!! I could not be happier with where God has brought us. I went into the doctor today...I get to go back to my regular OB!! (A lot cheaper!!). I met with the nurse for the OB Interview. Wow...very overwhelming! A ton of information was given to me today!  I am so blessed to have been able to make it to this appointment! I meet with my doctor tomorrow for some more information and tests! Really looking forward to seeing her again!

So, that's where we are at! Again, so sorry it has taken so long to write...I promise to not make it so long next time!

I do need to ask that you continue to lift us up in prayer. I am still very much at peace with this pregnancy. It is ONLY by the grace of God that I have made it this far and can be at peace like I am. I give Him all the glory for where we are and what He has done! Thank you all for your prayers up to this point. They are much appreciated! We feel so loved!!